¡Hasta nunca 2013!

No puedo decir que te miraré con nostalgia más adelante, ni que este fue el mejor año de mi vida. Para ser perfectamente sincero 2013, para mi, fue uno de los años más duros y difíciles que recuerdo. Algunas de esas dificultades vinieron solas: la bronca con mis amigos, ex-novio, temas de dinero, lidiar con la muerte de papá; otras tantas fueron resultado de decisiones que yo tomé como empezar un negocio y lanzarme al ruedo sin una idea clara de las necesidades y alcances posibles del proyecto. 

Por otro lado 2013 también fue un año de un profundo y extenso aprendizaje: primero sobre el mundo y la gente que vive en el, sus demonios, sus virtudes, lo que los mueve y las condiciones humanas de las que nadie puede escapar; segundo, de mi mismo, he logrado reconocer partes de mi que nunca había podido identificar, habilidades, vicios, verdades que evitaba reconocer, y mentiras que me decía a mi mismo en un intento descabellado por sobrellevar la vida. 

Los golpes me pusieron las cosas en perspectiva, de verdad que nos preocupamos por cosas pequeñitas e insignificantes cuando lo verdaderamente importante se nos escapa de entre las manos en un descuido. También hubieron cosas increíblemente positivas: amigos nuevos, amigos viejos que volvieron, segundas oportunidades, proyectos de negocio, mi familia, mi nueva vida que se proyecta por todo el mundo conforme pasan los meses. 

Termino el año feliz y en paz. Mi cabeza no puede evitar dar vueltas y pensar en el futuro, en el presente, en el pasado. En las cosas buenas que vienen y al mismo tiempo en todas las posibilidades posibles, buenas y malas. Cierro 2013 con dos decisiones trascendentales, dos riesgos que pueden salir increíblemente bien o terriblemente mal. Son eso, riesgos, apuestas que uno hace esperando lo mejor y tratando de hacer el mejor esfuerzo posible para que las cosas sucedan como yo quiero: uno es en mi vida personal, otro en la profesional. Se va cerrando el círculo. 

Creo que es solo justo compartir algunos de las cosas que aprendí este año, unas me tomaron todo el año, otras llegaron casi al último minuto después de meses de reflexión en las que no llegaba a ninguna conclusión que me dejara tranquilo, sin ningún orden en particular ahí les va: 

1.-Pierde tu orgullo, piérdelo en una zanja lejana y nunca lo recuperes, la gran mayoría de las veces cuando nos olvidamos del orgullo y decimos o hacemos lo que en verdad queremos las cosas salen bien, de verdad que es un camino a ser mucho más feliz, sin importar lo que la gente piense, diga, o haga, sigan sus verdaderos impulsos, si te rompes la madre esa es otra historia, algo podrás aprender de todo.

2.-Pierde el miedo, no dejes que te paralice, todos tenemos anhelos, amor, dinero, éxito, si bien no todas las cosas pueden ser conseguidas, la única manera de averiguarlo es intentándolo, lánzate por esa carrera, ese negocio, esa cita de ensueño, ese amor que pensabas perdido, chíngale y vas.

3.-Cuida a tus amigos, a tu familia. Son mucho más importantes de lo que a veces pensamos; cuando todo se pone duro y tupido son los primeros en aparecer y echarte la mano, reconfortarte o de plano abrir la chequera para ayudar en lo que se pueda. Valóralos y nunca pierdas oportunidad de decirles lo mucho que los quieres, suena tremendo pero en verdad puede ser la última vez, la vida es fugaz.

4.-Aprende a perdonar, ésta me está costando mucho trabajo aún, por primera vez en mi vida me hicieron algo que nunca pensé que me fuera a pasar, me dolió, y nunca pensé que podría estar recomponiendo esas relaciones, sin embargo puedo decir honestamente que jugármela de nuevo y hacer un esfuerzo real y honesto por dejar atrás lo malo ha sido una de las mejores decisiones que he tomado, lo que la gente haga con tu perdón y tu confianza es otra historia, la capacidad de poder dar ese paso en blanco es uno de los mejores regalos que me he dado en la vida. 

Terminando con la parte densa de mi mensaje de fin de año quiero compartir algunas de las cosas que lo hicieron mágico, de nuevo, sin ningún orden en particular ahí les van los 10 hitos geniales de 2013:

1.-Beber hasta la mañana una botella entera de mezcal con Paula Sofía vagando por las calles de Oaxaca, las estrellas desde los escalones de Santo Domingo, el Vals de la Bella Durmiente en el altar de la Iglesia. 

2.-Empezar a ir a terapia para tratar de poner en orden mi vida, hacer un esfuerzo sincero por aprender y cambiar lo que no funcionaba. 

3.-Recorrer el Hudson en un velero y en una lancha rápida, en uno con amigos nuevos, en otro con mi familia más entrañable, ambos días perfectamente felices. 

4.-Sol que quemaba, brisa fresca, mi piedra en la escollera, un momento a solas con mi padre y su espíritu a un año de su muerte.

5.-Desde la ventana de mi hotel en Nueva York, después de mis primeras reuniones exitosas, ver la ciudad entera a lo lejos y darme cuenta que estaba logrando todo lo que me había propuesto.

6.-Dejar mi departamento en San Jerónimo vacío, llegar a mi nuevo departamento en el centro, caminar mi nuevo barrio y nunca cansarme de lo mucho que me gusta.

7.-La boda de mi hermano Enrique; una de las noches más divertidas y emotivas que recuerdo. Mucho mezcal, mucho baile, mucha gente muy querida.

8.-Comidas en casa con variedad de amigos, entre cerveza, ginebra, carne, verduras al horno,  videos de YouTube y música. 

9.-Concierto de Foals, estaba triste, lastimado, pero me emborraché, me divertí y tuve a los mejore amigos que pude haber pedido para acompañarme. 

10.-Estar aterrado una noche de diciembre, decir -chingue a su madre- e ir a recuperar a la persona que quiero, perfectamente consciente de que sería difícil y que las probabilidades de terminar destrozado son altas. Dejar de lado un hubiera para quedarme con un es, aunque sea por ahora.

 Y el pilón, porque pues, porque si:

11.-Una semana de conversaciones interminables, atardeceres inolvidables y cubas que parecían no tener fondo con Jerónimo en Ixtapa. 

Así me deja 2013, con un buen sabor de boca después de todo, durísimo, tupido, doloroso y a pesar de todo, feliz. Soy, en efecto, una persona enormemente afortunada, y ese tipo de cosas no se deben tomar a la ligera.

Love in the dark

What is it about the heart that we need to walk in the dark like mad men instead of being able to choose who and how we love?. Why is it so difficult to let go or to let someone in?. It’s crazy if you ask me. 

I’m young still, 27 years old, and experimenting with love ever since junior high. I had one girlfriend and a few boyfriends. Longest continuos relationship of about 6 months; shortest of almost a week. I’ve loved a few people deeply, not like in romantic-comedy way, but deeply enough to care about them years after we were finished and still think of them every now and then. Some were good to me, some were not. But one thing is certain, i learnt a great deal of each and every one of them. 

Sometimes i learnt about myself: my limits, the things that made me tick, the ones that made me smile and the vices that haunted my spirit and could collapse those relationships from within. Another times i learnt about people: how they can feel, how they act under certain circumstances, how good or bad they can act towards you disregarding the actual quality of spirit they have. For life is complicated, some of us have the strength to do the right thing, others find escape in doing all the wrong ones. There’s good actions and bad, then there’s people. In the long run actions can define character, but they have to persist. One great bad action, or one great good one is still too far a stretch to define someone’s character. Luckily we usually have lives long enough to find redemption for our sins if that is what we choose. 

There’s a big difference right there between people considered good and bad. Some can realize the pain, suffering they caused, some want to correct that; others feel they thrive in that same suffering and pain. Usually to quiet their own pain inside. When i think of the good and bad things that happen to me i usually forget how most things we do derive from our own experience, the wish to do this or that comes mostly from our own set of values and mechanisms of incentives: positive and negative. 

Even the way we love comes from precise moments in our life. I once heard that the trick to finding one’s soul mate is to find someone whose particular vices and problems were compatible with yours. I would go a bit further and add that along the vices and problems once should also find someone whose virtues and answers are also compatible to ours. We cannot deny the darkness in every single one of us, sometimes you see it, sometimes you don’t. But it’s there, it’s constantly there in all of us, waiting to be fed, waiting to be unleashed if you let it thrive. Also, we cannot deny the light in all of us, we have it, comes pre-programmed in our genetic code, in our will to live and reproduce and  be happy. Both of them are necessary for the human experience, even if only to realize the things you want and the ones you don’t. 

Even if we can’t control who we love and who we don’t we do have the power of free will. You can choose to answer that call or email; you can also choose to ignore it and move on. Time has the power to erase and transform the deepest of feelings into memories you can keep on living with. That’s one of the wonders of the human condition, the ability to move forward, to continue living even if at one point we thought it would be impossible. If you let yourself do it, you can pretty much get used to the worst situations in life. To this the death of my father comes to mind, such an intense loss, with no unfinished business but still a profound sadness i thought i was never going to be free from and here i am, moving forward, still sad at times but  not enough to paralyze the rest of my future. The same goes for relationships, everything passes. With no regard for the good and bad. Only memories remain, we get to decide which ones we keep: the one that made us happy or the ones that made us angry, sad. 

Sometimes seeing potential in someone and enough will to achieve it is reason enough to stay; on the other hand not seeing any of them is also a reason enough to leave. My best guess is we should keep those who add up to our lives close, and of course drop the ones that are just leeching out on you. Adding or leeching have nothing to do with the quality of person someone is, it is just a matter of their particular circumstance, their own experience and the way they handle those experiences. More than that, it’s important to note that each and every one of us has the right of choice. We can, and we must, filter out what kind of people we need around to make us a better person, to help us achieve our goals, to be happy together with. 

This is my final thought on the matter: the choices we make, the actions we take, and the people we keep close are all cornerstones of the process to achieve happiness, we should be very careful with each of them. No one else has the right to make those decisions for you, no one. 

Ramble Revisited

I need to explain myself before you continue reading any further my dear readers: the day i wrote the words listed below i was angry, sad, confused. Those were true feelings, but they blinded the very best in me. As the days passed and i was able to look at the bigger picture, to not focus on the small little details and got to let go of the grudges and guilt that haunted me, everything got better, much much better.

I wanted to publish it then, for all the wrong reasons, and those close to me advised me otherwise. For a change, i listened to them and withheld my desire to denounce and scream from the top of my lungs. If i do this today it is just because i truly believe all feelings are worth writing about, even the ugliest ones that come from the darkest part of our beings. It was an exercise i have never done before and hopefully will never do again. I do not feel this way anymore, i feel calmed and happy, and have had enough time to put everything in perspective. Also i am making a difficult and proactive effort to forgive everything and to forgive myself for whatever was my own fault. Do not confuse the following text with hatred or a total disappointment in the human condition, i can asure you that is not who i am. Those were words of a broken and confused heart that found himself in a situation from which he could readily come out and thrive. Having said that i present a true story, at least from my own experience, right or wrong i can’t be sure, but i sure lived it as if it were. With no further introduction, i give you: 

Ramble

First, my dear reader, i must warn you that this text here is going to devolve into a incoherent rambling at times, for the anger in my chest today makes it hard to keep the focus and stay on the righteous path i’d like to preserve. I honestly wanted to be perfectly cool about the whole ordeal, i wanted to slip it under the carpet, forget about those involved and move on with my life. A great life i must say: i am successful, happy, blessed with true friends and a loving family, fairly good looking, with enough resources and wit to go around doing what i want and dream. 

However, after a few hours of deep consideration i must accept that i am neither cool, nor willing to let this one issue go out of mere pure christian goodness. I want blood. I’m pissed and it should be rightfully recognized, if those involved crossed my path in the upcoming days i wouldn’t hesitate to ran them over with my car pretending i did not see them; or throwing them down the stairs by “tripping” right at the right moment; or maybe even just throwing their beloved puppy down a cliff. That’s how pissed i am. It was a betrayal of the uttermost magnitude. I am not saying i am completely free of guilt, but every single piece of guilt that can be tagged to my name is not even close to the actions of those involved in the matter.

Without much further introduction i’ll try to explain plainly what happened. For me to take it out of my chest and for those involved to acknowledge that i know, yes gentlemen, i know all of it. And what i’m missing i will certainly find out soon enough since all of these lie founded constructions tend to crumble at the sight of disaster in their desperate attempts to savage whatever is left of themselves.

So, my beloved ex-boyfriend cheated on me. Which was hard since we were in a mostly open relationship. How? you may ask could he cheat if there were no actual bounds?. Well there was a simple rule, free to go around, but never with any of our close friends. It was simple, concrete enough, not to be mistaken. And he did, on a regular basis, with one whom i once considered a close friends, close enough to have my trust even when i knew he was not to be trusted in a general matter. And so they did, behind my back for weeks, one falling in love, the other playing a sick game of competition with me without my knowledge. And i know it was a mere competition as their love died the minute me and the ex actually broke it off, suddenly their love cooled, the passion disappeared. 

All of this conundrum of events happened in the bosom of an already deteriorated close group of friends, where we were trying to savage decaying friendships product of years of small lies, omissions, failed romances and a pathetic need to be beloved by the rest as to ensure our own value that was lacking inside our very core. We needed each other to keep going, but at the end the only path we were taking together was that one over the edge of the cliff into the abyss. 

Of course we had a great run in the past, these are people i loved, and to my own bad luck, still care deeply for. Still in a moment of clarity and coherence in my life i decided months ago that i would walk away from that dynamic of competition, decay and selfishness, that same dynamic i treasured with them a while back. It wasn’t for me anymore, i needed something else, more light and quiet in my life. A rediscovery of my inner self. Back then i did not knew of the ordeal with the ex-boyfriend, or that two other of my closest friends there were mostly fully aware of the treachery going on behind my back, they had to know, how could they not?, they were so freaking close, and they took sides when matters defined.

So i walked away a few months back, prior to my discovery, in a hunch-like feeling that my time within that group was over, that there was nothing i could savage, nothing i could still learn other than the ways that i now recognized were not my own to keep. I left not without some public shaming, some talking about it between the others, i was the evil one, the one that abandoned them for no important reason, the stuck up cunt who threw away friendships just because he changed or became a much worse subject. I was a pariah in a way, by my own choice and their own agreement. They may not agree to this dramatic conclusion, they may think i am indeed over reacting and that everything that happened was of my own doing. But at the very last moment i only chose my path, i did not betray my friends, i did not lied in such a way the shame would eat me up alive. I only left, that was my sin.

Regarding the former boyfriend, which i acknowledge i haven’t really talked about much i’ll say the following. I’m hurt, i wished for the best with him, i even gave my forgiveness as he came clean after a bit of squeezing on my part. The fact is, as much as i can see indeed good in him i can’t overlook the fact he lied like that, that he cheated his way out of my caring and love. He was an insensitive little asshole, even if i can only say it far away because i’m still bewildered by some tenderness i was able to see in him for the briefest of times one cold night in March. He is now between those i wouldn’t like to come across again, for the biggest sin on his belt was to not realized what i offered, with my evils and blessings, as it was a true gift offered to him from me. Even if in matters of the heart there is no reason other than what your heart desires. Still, it was me who got screwed over.

As for the rest, the one that did it, the ones that probably knew and said nothing i have nothing but pity, i saw their cynicism taken to a whole new level as they kept going as if nothing would have happened, as if they did not knew i was going to find out and get hurt. They knew, and now i wish not to have any association with them whatsoever. If i intended to keep being friendly and courteous in the past for respect of whatever we had before i now intend to go on like if they were dead. I wish not to have them in my life, not to know what goes on with theirs. They have lost that right for me to care and support in the harshest of circumstances. As i would have done in a much less toxic situation, even with anger in the middle. 

I am indeed confident there is still truths behind the whole thing, but as of now there is only one expression that can portray the level of revolt in my head, chest, fists: Fuck them, fuck them over and over again and let them get in life what they deserve. I won’t move a muscle, i won’t get to that level when you need revenge, this last words i write today are the one last thought and action i would like to dedicate to their memory. As i now try to move forward with my life, hope they do the proper, let it all end without pomp, without circumstance, just with the deafening scream of silence to carry us forward to the next dawn.

______________________________________________________________________________

So that’s it, no more, no less, that’s my story, no hard feelings, only the truth from my side. No names, no shame, just the unbearable lightness of it. 

Mañana de domingo

De repente me encontré solo en la pista. Mis amigos desperdigados por el antro y yo tratando desesperadamente de encontrar a José, mi mesero de confianza. Así, sin trago y solo, puse cara de cachorrillo perdido y me puse a mirar alrededor, un poco para matar el tiempo, otro tanto por la curiosidad de ver quien o que andaba por ahí. Me movía un poquito, de lado a lado, disimulando el baile mientras afinaba el ojo en los parroquianos de la noche. En serio que no recuerdo nada de la música ese día, ni siquiera si me pareció buena o mala; así de repetitiva y comercial debió ser como para borrar cualquier evidencia de ella en mi memoria. 

No diré que el tiempo se detuvo, ni que Cristobal me pareció el chico más lindo que hubiera visto en toda mi vida. Simplemente diré que el estaba ahí, que nuestros ojos se cruzaron y que al final de la noche no podía otra cosa sino desear irnos juntos a casa. Es raro eso de ligar en medio de luces y ruido estridente; al final la conversación viene llena de agujeros entre la imposibilidad de escuchar y las copas haciendo juego con tus neuronas. En tu cabeza vas armando la mejor historia posible con la menor información disponible. Incluso lo físico pierde un poco en la oscuridad y la premeditada confusión que ocasiona la experiencia convencional en un centro nocturno de esa calaña.

De ahí en adelante lo que viene son escenas inconexas en mi cabeza: un beso a media avenida con una patrulla pasando lento tras nuestro; escaleras, muchas escaleras ininterrumpidas (sin pausa para besos); tomar un vaso de agua y perder la ropa interior en la oscuridad.  La noche pasó, la ventana no tenía cortina y una bella mañana dominical se reportó conmigo a primera hora para taladrarme el cerebro con una broca para concreto. Miré el techo, pintado de blanco, igual que en casa, pero ajeno, definitivamente ajeno. Tardé más en abrir los ojos de lo que me tomó recordar con quien estaba. No hacía falta llenar ese agujero en mi mente; saboreé el momento y me volví a su lado para abrazarlo un poco más. Así es como me gustaba despertar por las mañanas. 

Nunca fui bueno para las historias de una noche; soy de esos que abrazan, se acurrucan y hacen de desayunar. Aunque he de admitir que no recuerdo cuando fue la última vez que le hice de desayunar a alguien. Es, por mucho, mi comida más solitaria del día. En este caso no hacía ninguna diferencia, irónicamente yo ya tenía planes para esa mañana de domingo. Jugamos un poco bajo las sábanas, busqué la ropa interior fugitiva y me fui queriendo quedarme. 

En retrospectiva, debo admitir que la noche fue mucho mejor de lo que esperaba; lo pasé bien, desde el principio hasta el final. Los tragos fueron los justos, los amigos los indicados, el pasado relegado a una esquina a la que poco le puse atención durante la noche, la música fuerte y mis ganas de encontrarme una nueva historia vibrando en cada poro de mi piel. 

Ahora el día es diferente, remplacé la música electrónica con una interpretación de la Toccata y Fuga de Bach de la Orquesta Sinfónica de Lausana, tengo la mente clara y el número de Cristobal guardado en el celular. La tarde entera se me fue entre correos electrónicos del trabajo y consideraciones post-agarrón sobre si llamarle o no. Juego con el teléfono entre mis manos, izquierda, derecha, izquierda, derecha. Me pega el nervio, se empiezan a mezclar ideas en mi cabeza. Recuerdos de esa y muchas noches, recuerdos de mi ex, sinsabores, éxitos, fracasos, abrazos y besos, todos pensamientos revoloteando  en mi mente mientras decido que hacer con ese número guardado solo con su primer nombre en la libreta de contactos.

Regreso al mundo de los vivos con el sonido familiar de mi tono de llamadas. Un número desconocido y una voz familiar al otro lado de la línea, era Gonzalo, mi ex. No recuerdo cuando fue la última vez que hablé con el, y menos para mandarlo al diablo por pedirme explicaciones sobre el chico con el que bailaba el sábado pasado. Le colgué en el acto. Bastante tuve ya con la ruptura como para tener que dar explicaciones estando soltero. Al final, me harté de la indecisión, quedé con Cristobal para comer el martes, me lo llevó a mi lugar de siempre: el resto francés a tres cuadras de casa. Ya veremos si entre tinto y Foie Gras esta historia da para seguirla contando. 

Words in the dark

It is indeed one of those nights when words flow in my mind like the strongest of rivers trying to find its cause into the ocean. My whole life comes challenged as i attempt to find meaning, purpose, and reason into the path i have chosen. I have to say i do have a clear idea on the places i want to go and the things i want to do in the future; it is the present and past that suffer in the maze of thoughts i construct around my head. I think about the things i’m leaving behind, the things i’m actively taking on with me; how to balance them, accept the losses and move on. For it is moving on that we can remain alive and reach for true happiness. 

Reading old letters sent to loved ones that are no more; fearing i won’t ever feel as in love to write such beautiful words again to someone. Broken, but in love; Happy, but in love; Alone, but in love. I often remember whom they were, how i felt, usually only the happy moments, the good times we had together, the laughs and smiles every morning by their side. I often forget the sadness, the reasons that brought them all to and end, the anger that thrived in me after each failure, after each disappointment.

Little i know about life now, much more i know than before. I have never left a relationship without learning a huge deal about myself, others, life and its meaning. I am indeed thankful for the all the things i felt and the awesome experiences that i now count as my own. Yet, i must learn to let go. Let go of the things that never will be again, of the friends, lovers, and places that i will never enjoy as i did once before. It is painful, it is hard, it is by far the most excruciating thing for someone that always thought love and friends were forever. Truth be told, love may forever last in your own heart, but the only way for it to thrive is when it is a shared feeling, not kept in the dark corners of our own heart, love withers away when we don’t say it out loud, when we stop screaming at the top of our lungs that we love each other; being with a smile, a joke, a hug, a short call, a tweet or a long embrace in bed. 

When we stop sharing love it dies. It dies as we remain alone, as we chose to keep it away from others. No man is an island, no man can fully achieve his potential, or be truly happy entirely by himself. It is in the reflections of ourselves in others that we can find the answers to our most deep desires and dark questions. 

We must, however, chose wisely the reflections we allow ourselves to see; when you look too long into the abyss your reality becomes darkness; when you look only into the sky you forget the darkness within everyone of us. It is a tricky issue to balance out how we see the world, how we see ourselves; if we are not objective we might end up with and entire wrong idea of what goes on in our life and what kind of person we are. 

The night is dark, my mind is clogged, and my bed feels bigger than ever before. I think of writing someone something, of saying how much i’d love to sleep entangled as before; i won’t write, i won’t call. For what it was, remains in the past; for what i want is not to be found in the old days long gone. Whatever and whoever comes i’ll know to put in its right place, its right time, regardless of noise and blur. 

I will probably keep remembering my past with some nostalgia. I will most certainly expect what’s coming with excitement and a huge smile, for i know it can only get better; not because before was bad, but because i know tomorrow will be as extraordinary as i want it to be.

My life as i remember

My life as i remember, a set on Flickr.

A brief look into my life. As it goes by, day by day. Curiosities, friends, myself, all from my trusty mobile phone.

Friendships can die, let go

It is very hard to move on from a friendship. Probably one of the hardest things you will ever do. Realizing that you and your friend(s) are now in different moments, feeling different things and totally off beat from you is painful. Really, really painful. You try to grab whatever memory, inside joke, anecdote, smile provoked, and still, nothing can bring you guys back. You can see the drift growing in between you, you feel it, every day. One less call, one more annoying thing you realize, one more heart breaking situation that you both can’t agree on. The time is here, let go. 

There’s always one moment in every ending friendship when one, or both of you, realize everything might be lost. You try to ignore it, you catalogue it as a temporary lapse, you look for answers and reasons and justifications. You fail, deep inside of you you know, you need to get away, whatever you were getting from that friendship is no longer there. You start to burn all the credits you earned for months or years or decades. You try calling more often, try to become a better friend, even date your friend in a desperate attempt to savage whatever’s left. You fail again. 

Another thing happens, your friend misses your big graduation party, or you miss that family wedding he asked you to come to. That time you just didn’t felt like missing that trip, or he wasn’t having fun so he left early. Back in the day you said it didn’t matter, your friendship is so much stronger than that, you could survive it all. But then those little details and absences start to accumulate. Suddenly it’s months since the last time you hung out together, and weeks since the last phone call. Eventually you stop considering him for whatever you plan, and he does the same. 

Slowly you both start disengaging from each other’s lives. What was once worth moving earth and sky for is no more. You have priorities and your old friend is no longer in the first positions of that list as before. Detachment starts, less and less pictures together, less Facebook comments, and as a thunder you realize you are making different plans with different people, you run into each other every now and then, probably genuinely still happy to do so, but differently. This time you just say hi and move on. This time you are not staying for the rest of the night around, you really move on.

Finally the last straw, you realize how you don’t like your friend anymore, what brought you together in the first place disappeared entirely, you are different people now. You actually realize you don’t wanna be around that old friend anymore, his values changed, or you changed, it doesn’t matter. The thing is nothing can be the same again. Either you moved on or he did, that’s life, us moving on. We move forward, its either that or die. The difference is the speed in how we do it, how fast can we get so far. It’s that difference that takes us people apart. 

It is neither good or bad, just a part of life. No resentments nor grievances. Just the way we humans are. It is a miracle when two people come together to keep each other company in their paths through life, but that company cannot last forever, at least not unchanged. We all come here to teach each other, but what we can teach is usually limited. Understanding and kindness can only go so far with some people, and that only works if you really want to try. If you feel that the entire effort is worth it. The thing is every day there’s less and less people willing to go the extra mile. 

Life-long friendships do happen, there’s hope for all of us. You just need to be watchful, thankful and kind. The rest usually sorts itself out. For the rest of us there’s only life and movement, it is what we can do, it is the best worst-case scenario we got. One thing is for sure, we will keep trying to find that company nevertheless.

Mushkophilus Rufus

El Mushkin(Mushkophilus Rufus) es una especie de marsupial relacionado a la familia de los Canis lupus. Endémico del continente americano se encuentra en peligro de extinción por la destrucción de su hábitat natural que anteriormente se extendía desde el sur del estado mexicano de Veracruz hasta la frontera con los Estados Unidos. Actualmente solo podemos encontrar especímenes dentro de la Reserva Nacional del Mushkin Salvaje en el centro de México con reportes de avistamientos tan lejos como la Pampa argentina o las praderas de la República de Irlanda. 

Ocuparon un rango de hábitats muy amplio, desde el clima subtropical hasta el desierto árido, pasando por tundra y bosque templado. De hábitos preferentemente nocturnos se alimentan principalmente de carnes varias y múltiples vegetales y granos; así como del ocasional espécimen humano. También demuestra una preferencia por las bebidas espirituosas sean estas destiladas o fermentadas. Al llegar a la primera década del siglo XXI la reducción de presas naturales en sus territorios tradicionales y la falta de un mercado apropiado a sus necesidades(situación mejorada desde la apertura de un City Market a principios de 2013 en la zona sur de la Ciudad de México) causaron que los Mushkins atacaran a presas cada vez más variadas y lejos de sus estándares habituales; situación que condujo a agresivas campañas de desprestigio y exterminio por parte de las comunidades en Ciudad de México y su área metropolitana. 

Estos esfuerzos rindieron frutos y para el año 2012 el único Mushkin salvaje que quedaba en la reserva se sentía acorralado y tratando de buscar una vía de escape. Diferentes zoológicos internacionales mostraron su interés en adoptar al Mushkin pero por el momento no se vislumbran cambios en su hábitat inmediato. Está clasificado por la Unión Internacional para la Conservación de la Naturaleza y los Recursos Naturales como extinto en estado salvaje lo que significa que no existe ningún ejemplar viviendo en estado silvestre o difícilmente domesticado fuera de la reserva.

El Mushkin es un mamífero de carácter dócil en lo general, pero tremendamente agresivo si se le perturba o se amenaza a su manada. De naturaleza contradictoria: por un lado disfruta mucho su soledad, al grado de que se vuelve una necesidad para el; y por el otro siempre dispuesto a adoptar una manada aunque no sean animales de su misma especie. No es extraño encontrar a un Mushkin salvaje caminando a un lado de un ornitorrinco, un flamingo, una rana, un koala o incluso un mapache formando vínculos cercanos y duraderos(aunque a veces se separe de la manada por su mal humor o carácter orgulloso). Se le conocen dos gatillos para activar uno de sus episodios agresivos, el primero que no se le permita dormir y el segundo que se le prive de alimento sin dar una expectativa razonable para su restablecimiento.

Tremendamente fiel el Mushkin en su estado natural busca involucrarse con otros de su grupo siempre y cuando se sienta en confianza, es desconfiado y parco por naturaleza con miembros ajenos a su grupo a menos que estos sean propiamente presentados por alguien cercano. No reconoce a ninguna autoridad si no hay un forcejeo previo en el que el Mushkin sienta que puede aprender algo o que es tratado con justicia. Incluso es capaz de rebelarse abiertamente contra cualquier figura de autoridad por medios violentos si no siente que es respetado y apreciado en la medida que considere necesaria.

Es conocido por establecerse en madrigueras que arregla y perfecciona hasta alcanzar el máximo de comodidad. Es nómada por naturaleza, requiere de movimiento para alcanzar su verdadero potencial, sin embargo el Mushkin requiere de una madriguera base, un refugio en donde siempre pueda llegar sin importar la circunstancia para poder sentirse seguro y protegido de las inclemencias del tiempo.

Existen numerosos esfuerzos por parte de la iniciativa privada por capturar a un espécimen, hasta ahora todos sin resultados. Algunos cazadores establecen que la música clásica y las galletas de jengibre y pilloncíllo con forma de cochinito pueden atraer la atención de los Mushkins. Por su origen en la familia de los marsupiales y muy relacionada con los lobos mexicanos el Mushkin tiene una propensión a los juegos, no es extraño encontrarlo jugando con su alimento antes de devorarlo completo o inmerso en juegos de rol.

Actualmente se desconoce la verdadera población de Mushkins salvajes en el mundo, expertos internacionales creen que todos los avistamientos en Europa, América del Sur y Norte América son en realidad un solo Mushkin que ha logrado transportarse por todo el mundo, seguramente mediante barcos cargueros o largas migraciones a pie y/o nado. A ciencia cierta nadie saber realmente lo que sucede en la vida del Mushkin salvaje,  es uno de los grandes misterios de la zoología moderna.